Struggle
Linkedin provides a false reality in which everyone but you are successful. We all struggle in our ways, some more than others. I recently seen a post by someone I do not know openly sharing his struggles over the last few weeks and you know, it is okay to talk about it. Might even feel better after that. So here is my attempt at venting my frustrations after getting rejected from what appeared to be more or less a slam dunk offer.
On 4 April 2025, I posted about my FOR578 experience and how “happy” I was getting that 99% score. Did you know that I received a rejection email the day before from a job I thought I had in the bag and could set up a bright future for me? I went into the GCTI exam half asleep because I could not sleep well the night before. My mind was plagued by questions and doubts.
Did I mess up? How could THEY? Am i just an imposter? Did I make the wrong choice switching fields at my age? I should have played it safe and stayed in my OLD JOB. Oh man now I am fucked. How do i provide for my loved ones? Oh man…there are so much expenses in the next few years…renovation, housing, wedding …. Oh man oh man
I walked out with a near perfect score but I felt absolutely dead. I then went and put on a smiley face and gave a presentation on GCIH and OSCP tips to peers from my company.
It has been a few days and the nasty and dark thoughts still plague me. The only thing I could do was to keep myself busy. I arranged to talk to people and sus out opportunities. I work on my home lab. I play Cyberpunk 2077. I got to the gym. Anything to mute the voices. It worked until the moments of solitude and the voices came back.
My partner is the best person in the world. She is patient and provides a voice of reason and calmness when internally I am panicking. She keeps me sane.
Do I have any wise thoughts to share? Not really. I know I need to move forward. Yet at the same time, I guess it is okay to embrace the darkness and the sadness. Struggling against it only worsens the pain. Just that perhaps with time and new opportunities, those thoughts will go away. Sharing it with your loved ones and friends made me feel a little better. And now I am sharing with you, the world.
It is okay to fail. Hell it is normal to fail. Take that rage and sadness and turn it into a driving force to move you forward. It makes the success all the much sweeter.
